Public Speaking and Emotional Maturity

There is a lot of attention being paid to the subject of Emotional Intelligence and the measure that has been assigned to it, Emotional Quotient (EQ).

Emotional Intelligence is a description of how aware people are of their emotions and the emotions of those around them. Proponents of emotional intelligence often argue that EQ is a better measure of how well someone will function in an organization. In fact there are many organizations that are having candidates write EQ tests to assist in ranking them.

I have a simpler model that I call Emotional Maturity.

The first point I need to make is that emotional maturity is not for gauging others; it is for gauging ourselves and improving how we respond to emotional or stressful situations.

As I attempt to motivate others I will run into frustrating situations. How I respond to that situation indicates my emotional maturity. If I allow my emotions to take over and control how I respond to the situation, I have low emotional maturity. If I am aware of my emotions and able to keep them from controlling me when responding to the situation, I am demonstrating intermediate emotional maturity. Finally, if I am able to demonstrate my emotions in a situation without allowing them to control me then I am exhibiting high emotional maturity.

Let me illustrate. I have a six year old son who occasionally frustrates me by being disobedient. If I lose my temper in a blind rage and start yelling at him then I am definitely being controlled by my emotions and I have low emotional maturity. I am not going to be able consider using any effective ways of dealing with him because I will be out of control. How much more effective will it be for me to exhibit intermediate emotional maturity by calmly telling him to go to his room until we both calm down and then we can discuss the conflict along with his reasons for disobedience and my response to it? Finally, I will be even more effective to express to him, perhaps in my tone, that I am disappointed, but still remain in control.

This is incredibly difficult to do because people often think that they are exhibiting emotion when they are in fact being controlled by it.

The person who is a master of emotional maturity is not only able to control their emotions but also is aware of the emotions of the individuals that they are dealing with and able to respond accordingly.

How do you heighten your emotional maturity? Simple really; you start consciously thinking about your feelings and your responses to them in the various situations that you encounter. Don’t do this superficially. Examine how you feel and why you feel that way. What was it that made you feel that way? Were there any other factors influencing you that you may have not thought about?

What about situations that you respond to and realize that you didn’t think about until later? Try analyzing them in retrospect. Ask the same questions; what were you thinking and feeling, why did you respond that way?

It is a difficult process to start but becomes easier with practice. As you do it, you will find that you are less controlled by your emotions and therefore able to choose your response to situations.

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Copyright © 2007 David Mudie
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Public Speaking and Emotional Maturity