The Strategy of Contradicting Yourself

What is the objective behind public speaking? In its most basic form it is communicating a message verbally – but that is a very simplistic view. The ultimate objective of public speaking usually involves some form of leadership. That is, as we speak we are trying to inspire, influence or motivate our audience. We may be trying to convince our organization to change its sales order process or buy into a new technology. Alternatively we may be trying to convince the audience to hold the bride in the same high esteem as we do at a wedding reception. But whatever we are trying to motivate our audience regarding, we are not going to be successful if we don’t hold their attention.

Communicating verbally is a crucial way of conveying the message and it is what we tend to think of in terms of public speaking, but it is only one of the tools available to a speaker. There are numerous other means by which individuals communicate messages every day. For instance, if I vary the tone of my voice when I say the words “come here” I convey various different messages. If I lift my eyebrows while listening to someone it is a much different message than if I furrow my brow. Another very common non-verbal communication method is through the use of body movement – that is gestures.

We have been examining gestures for several articles now. We have discussed how they can help the audience form mental images of what is being talked about – that is, one way of grabbing and holding the audience’s interest.

There is means of communicating with all of these tools that at first may seem to be counter productive but when applied appropriately can be very effective – it is the technique of communicating in a contradictory manner.

“A contradictory manner, isn’t that going to confuse the audience?” Well Yes, it will if it is not used carefully – however before you dismiss this technique first realize that not only are most of us experts in this area but we also use it on a almost daily basis.

Have you ever expressed yourself by stating something verbally but contradicted what you are saying with the tone of your voice. Most people regularly do– it is called sarcasm.

When sarcasm is applied appropriately it will do two things – it will clarify the message rather than confuse it and it will add humor.

Now I have been stressing that it has to be appropriate - that means that it has to be used with the appropriate audience, on the appropriate subject at the appropriate time. Believe me, appropriateness is everything – I learned a very important lesson about it.

When I was twenty I regularly used sarcasm in conversations. At one point I was talking to a friend on the phone and I said to her, “Oh yeah, I would love to do that.” While saying it I used a sarcastic tone to indicate that my attitude was really exactly opposite of what I was saying.

My friend shocked me by saying, “Really? I wouldn’t have thought that would interest you at all.”

At this point I clarified my message by explaining that I really didn’t have an interest but that I was speaking sarcastically. She shocked me even more by saying, “Oh, I don’t like sarcasm because I don’t like lying to people.” (and it was said without a contradictory tone).

My friend actually thought I was lying when in fact I was using it to communicate a true message with humor. I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t lying, that I was merely communicating my message with tone – she didn’t agree. In her opinion if I was stating words that were contradictory to how I truly felt then I was lying – even if my tone was communicating the real message. No matter what I said she did not agree. I learned very quickly that sarcasm was not an effective communication technique with her.

Learn from my lesson – contradictory communication can be effective but only if it is appropriate.

Aside from tone, how else can we communicate in a contradictory manner? Well we can also contradict ourselves with a facial expression. Stating to your audience that you hate something while smiling and nodding or calling out that you love it while frowning and shaking your head could be very effective. If you combined these facial expressions with a sarcastic tone it could be all the more effective.

Another technique would be to convey a contradictory message using gestures. For example, in one of my speeches I talked about how at the age of 16 I was given the opportunity to live and work in Texas for a summer. I told the audience that, “My over protective and clingy parents had a terrible time letting me go.” At the same time I made a grandiose kicking gesture to the side indicating that they had actually “kicked me out of the house” and forced me to take the opportunity. The audience loved it.

Another example might be if someone was doing a speech about her/his children and how a cookie jar had mysteriously emptied itself. After describing a confrontation s/he asks the child what happened the speaker could respond with a child like voice, “I only took one” while holding up a seven (or any number of) fingers.

Alternatively imagine the speaker mimicking the child saying, “I only took a little piece of cake” while gesturing with her/his hands held wide apart.

It is important to realize that what you are doing to contradict what you are saying is normally going to be taken as the truth – so make the contradiction the actual message and the verbal words what you want to contradict.

Finally, don’t over use contradictory messages. One or to contradictions will be very effective. A speech full of contradictions will be either tedious or simply a stand-up-comedy routine.

Choose your contradictions well, make them appropriate, and use them sparingly to enhance your communication. Enhanced communication means a clearer message and a clearer message means that you are more likely to inspire your audience in the manner that you originally intended.

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Copyright © 2007 David Mudie All Rights Reserved

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