Powerful Listening Skills that You Might Want

Last week we discussed the fact that in order to effectively communicate with your audience and eventually motivate them you need to be relevant. We further explored the idea that in order to be relevant you need to understand your audience. You need to know their background, education and vocation, their beliefs, and most importantly that common element that brings them together as your audience.

That common element could be that they work for you, that they support a political movement, that they attend the same church, that they are friends with the bride and groom, and the list goes on and on – but make sure that you understand them.

The question is, “how do you come to know and understand your audience?” – here’s a radical idea… Ask.

Now those of you who have been subscribers to Effectively Speaking for a while will know that I treat my newsletters somewhat like a speech. I usually compose the articles with and introduction, body, and conclusion. In most cases I will make three points to support my theme. There is one thing that you know that I do a lot and that is ask. I am constantly asking you for your feedback. I want to know what you think – either positive or negative. I want to know your questions. I want your input for this newsletter.

Why - so that I understand you (my audience) and make this newsletter relevant.

The one thing that I clearly know about the readership of this newsletter is that you are interested in public speaking. In addition, I know that the majority of people fear public speaking. That gives me a start. I can write some interesting articles based on that. I can even work in some exercises and examples such as the riddles I asked you a couple of months ago. But if I want to get you to identify with me even further, I have to understand you further – that’s why I ask you questions (and that’s why you should ask questions of your audience before any speech you have).

Of course what we all tend to forget is that asking the question is not the important part – listening to the answer is. The old adage that we have only one mouth but two ears is so true. I certainly tend to get the ratio of mouth to ears reversed at times.

Here are a few thoughts on listening that I find valuable:

- Give your full attentiveness. Do not attempt to carry out other activities while listening.

- Confirm what you heard by paraphrasing what you heard (Paraphrasing means to put something in your own words).

- Ask open ended questions to solicit more information. For example, rather than asking, “Did that make you feel angry” ask, “How did that make you feel, and why?”

- Ask closed ended questions to solicit commitment and agreement? For example, “Did I understand that correctly” and “Will you be there to meet me on time?”

- If I feel compelled to interrupt – it means that I am not valuing what the other person is saying. I need to realize that what is being said is valued by him/her as much as what I value.

Seek first to understand – then to be understood. (From Stephen Covey in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

- Pace your interaction based on the other person. If s/he is excited or energetic, get excited and energetic. If s/he is relaxed, become relaxed. This will help the other person become more comfortable with you.

These may not be the best listening rules there are – but they work well for me (when I remember to use them). You might want to adopt some of them if they make sense to you. By becoming better listeners we will all be able to better understand our audience and deliver more effective speeches.

Next week I will share a few thoughts about listening while you are giving a speech.

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Copyright © 2007 David Mudie All Rights Reserved

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